From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster
Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out
and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to
busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will
photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.
This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name
Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper
street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.
- - -
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was
sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or
tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work
at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and
alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed
by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this
afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes
to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.
---
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster
yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really
worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.
---
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats. Once,
having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and
bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small
but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without
socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks
from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all
feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named
Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life'
t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat
down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and
snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and
strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two
inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven
with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked
that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.

---
From:
Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a
movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?
---
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The cat is lost in
the negative space.
Regards, David.
---
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely
emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it
is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do
it in colour please. Thanks.
---
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have
assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do
not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you
how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the
window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being
preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home
across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills
with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for
fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.

---
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows
the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing
missy off it? I just want it to say lost.
---
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
Poster
---
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
Poster
yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and
the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost
and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to
leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.
---
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww
Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to
look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my
apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a
closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to
feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that
home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his
cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him.
Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to
collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes
on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your
detailed instructions.
Regards, David.

---
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww
Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That
cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.
---
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww
I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met
any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better
cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange
cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a
car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a
costly veterinarian bill.
I knew someone who had a basset
hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to
walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been
my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced
with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge
neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same
with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
---
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Please just use the photo I gave you.
---
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

---
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What
did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you
please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.
---
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
---
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have
to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.
---
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

---
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Fine. That will have to do.
(via 27b/6)